How NOT to Approach a Woman

Alright guys, so let's say you're on your way to work one morning and you stop by the nearest Starbucks to grab a bagel, and you notice a beautiful woman sitting by herself at one of the tables. You're feeling confident and want to approach her, but HOW?! You obviously don't want to look like an idiot the first time you open your mouth so lets talk about which pick up lines NOT to use. 

Cheeeeesy pickup lines:

"Is your last name Gillette? Because you're the best a man can get."

"Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk past again?"

"Can I have your phone number because I seem to have lost mine?"

"You must be from Tennessee because you're the only TEN I see"

Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Creepy pickup lines that could get the police called on you:

If I weren't so romantic I'd shoot you.

Why don't you surprise your roommate/parents and not go home tonight?

Sex is a killer. wanna die happy? (Or really, any sexual pickup lines)

If I follow you home will you keep me?

If you don't want to get rejected after the first five words come out of your mouth, then you should definitely stray away from all of these pickup lines and anything like them.

Assess the Situation

As a disclaimer, these suggestions we’re providing are merely that – SUGGESTIONS. These tactics may not apply to everyone. You may be that one solitary girl who likes the grubby man who smells like beets, but my point is that most girls don’t. This guide is for the majority, not the exception (He’s Just Not That Into You, anyone?)

Assess the Situation

As a GUY:

So you've cleaned up nicely and worked up the nerve to talk to that pretty lady at the next table you've had your eye on. Now what? First thing to do is assess the situation. Without staring at her and risking freaking her out (girls are going to be immediately turned off if they catch some random guy staring at them) survey the situation surrounding her.


Is she sitting with someone else? Don’t interrupt her.
Is she talking on the phone? Don’t interrupt her.
Is she working on a laptop or writing in a notebook? Don’t interrupt her.

Get my drift? If she’s BUSY, don’t interrupt her. Watch from the corner of your eye for her to take a break from what she’s doing, a time when she’s just looking around and taking in her surroundings.


You’re free to talk to this woman if she’s:



Eating
Reading leisurely (a novel or newspaper is leisure, a textbook or research paper is not. If she’s highlighting or taking notes it’s usually not for fun)
Texting or emailing
Surfing the internet
Just sitting or standing nearby

Am I right girls? Regardless of who approaches you, in what other situations would you be annoyed to be approached?

She doesn't look busy, so let’s read her body language. You don’t want to fail before you've even started. By observing the way a girl holds herself will tell you whether or not she’ll even be receptive to your advances. She’s communicating with you before either of you even says a word.

Positive signs:

If she’s smiling, even slightly
If her body’s turned towards you
If, as you’re approaching, her eyes widen and focus on you
If her head is tilted slightly
If her hands are running through her hair (could also show annoyance so be careful)
If her hands are on her hips

Negative signs:

If she’s rubbing her eyes
If she’s biting her lip
If she’s biting her nails
If her head is down while you’re speaking to her
If her arms are folded
If her fists are clenched
If her hands are on her head
If she's frowning

As a GIRL:

GIRLS, if you want to be approached by that cute guy standing in the corner, don’t surround yourself with your girlfriends! While that may add security for you, it turns guys off. It’s intimidating for him to have to work up the courage to ask you out in front of all your friends and risk getting humiliated by all 6 of you. It takes courage on your part to be alone and hold your own, but if you’re expecting the man to work up the nerve to ask you out, you may as well meet him halfway.



Guys are a little easier to approach, luckily! The only times he'll be more annoyed than flattered are if he is really busy and in a time crunch, or sitting with another girl he's interested in when you interrupt him. Using the same criteria as above to determine if he's busy, gauge his mood. If you meet his eyes more than once and more than just a casual glance, that's an invitation to talk to him, and typically an expression of interest. The body language applies to guys as well so if he is displaying more negative signals than positive ones then you should probably wait for another opportunity to approach him.

Even though your target may be displaying signs in both groups, go with the majority to help assess the situation. One sign doesn't do it.

Dress and Appearance - Women

We've talked about the men, but what about the women?

How to attract a man:

1. Shower AND wash your hair

2. If you're going to be showing your legs, SHAVE

3. Pluck your eyebrows

Mostly just to remove the stray hairs and neaten the brow line. And don't forget between the eyes!

4. Use lotion and chapstick daily

5. Apply makeup

A note about makeup. The point of makeup is not to make you look more beautiful than you are, but to accentuate the beauty you have. The point is to highlight your features and wearing it makes you look like you care about your appearance. And men want to know you've made an effort for them. Just don't overdo it - you want it to be subtle so that it looks almost like you're not wearing any.

Both of these women are wearing makeup, but you can see the first woman tried to paint on a new face than work with the gorgeous one she's got.

6. Style your hair. 

It doesn't have to be elaborate, it just has to look like you tried. Again, men appreciate the effort, even if they don't mention it. Here're some simple (and some elaborate) hairstyles you can do for any hair length:

https://www.dailymakeover.com/trends/hair/101-hair-ideas/

7. Choose your outfit carefully. 

The type of outfit you choose determines what type of guy you will attract. If you wear a revealing outfit then you'll attract a guy who notices you for your body before your personality. Many times, he might just be interested in your body, regardless of what he says otherwise. If you wear an outfit that is modest, without the goal of attracting sexual attention, it'll create more mystery and most guys who approach you will be more interested in who YOU are, rather than what's underneath the clothes. If you find a man's not looking at your face as much as you'd like then maybe this is an option to consider. Be careful as to what outfit you choose, because you're in essence choosing what type of guys approach you.

Either way, make sure your clothes fit you - not too baggy or too tight. If you can see folds in your skin through your clothes or above your jeans they're too tight. And that's not attractive.

8. Put on some perfume

It should be subtle, not overpowering.

9. Wear some jewelry that compliments your outfit. 

It doesn't have to be expensive to be attractive.

10. Put on a smile

11. Exercise. 

If this is a work in progress for you, then exercise is definitely the way to go. Keep yourself healthy because it will help you both feel and look better. Both will instill more confidence in you and help you live a longer, fuller life. 

Dress and Appearance - Men

Hey everybody! I’m Weston, your own personal flirting coach. I am Kim’s husband, and I’ve got some great tips for you guys out there that want to increase your chances with the ladies. A couple of years ago I moved across the country and started my dating life all over. When I moved to my new home, my hair was shaggy and I hadn’t shaved for a week. I wore t-shirts, tennis shoes, a hoodie, and sunglasses nearly constantly. I carried this un-kept and un-caring look around with me for six long months and had very little success dating. I couldn’t figure out what it was about me that was not attracting women, because I felt that I was a funny, nice guy. But let’s face it folks—your first impression matters! One Saturday afternoon, with some help from some friends, I looked in the mirror and it dawned on me like a ton of bricks…..My appearance screamed “I DON’T CARE HOW I LOOK AND I HAVE NO AMBITIONS IN LIFE!!”  

Whether that was true or not, that’s what my image portrayed to everyone that laid eyes on me. Ladies want someone they can show off, someone that looks like he’s going somewhere in life. I really wanted to be a desirable man among the women in my city, and as ZZ Top says, “Every girl is crazy about a sharp dressed man.” So I decided to put those lyrics to the test and see what happened. I went directly to the nearest Great Clips, and I lost the shaggy hair and scruff on my face. I ended up getting a very clean, professional-looking haircut. Afterwards I went to a nearby store and purchased my first ever tub of hair gel. I then went back to my apartment and began searching through my wardrobe, when I realized most of my clothes were logo-style t-shirts and old baggy jeans. So I decided that I needed to take a trip to the store and overhaul my wardrobe. I bought a different style of jeans than I usually do, you know, jeans that actually fit. I then traded in my tennis shoes for some nice and casual, but professional looking footwear. After I took a shower, styled my hair, and put on one of my new outfits, I looked into the mirror and I instantly felt a surge of confidence come over me! I felt like a new man! I looked like a million dollars and I felt like it too!

That night I went to a party at a friend’s house, and from the moment I walked in the door, (I kid you not) I was receiving immediate attention. Women were flirting with me like crazy. I had many attractive women tell me how good I looked and that I looked like a different person. I was told several times how attractive I looked. I was literally shocked by all of the attention that I was receiving, and from that night on I was totally hooked on having a clean, sharp-looking appearance. My only regret was not having made this change years ago! The best thing about it is that it didn’t take a million dollars or a lot of effort. All it takes is the determination to look good, even if you’re on a budget and can’t afford designer clothes. The look-nice look can be achieved even by shopping at thrift stores and used clothing stores like Plato’s Closet, which I did in the above instance.

Some girls may like the rugged, mountain-man look but if most of your face is covered by hair and sunglasses it’s hard for a girl to see your assets. Maybe you’re not feeling great about your strengths, but you were created in your own unique way, and that might be just the look the woman of your dreams wants. In fact, multiple people are searching for a look just like yours. And more importantly, women are more interested in who you are at your core than what’s on the outside. That’s where the confidence comes in.   

Tip: “Dress for success!” If you want to be successful in dating, then you NEED to dress like you’re going to be successful (from head-to-toe). Women love a sexy-smelling, sharp-dressed man because it exhibits confidence…..and confidence gets women!

So, now that I’ve stressed the importance of putting an effort into your appearance and explained its effect in my life, let’s discuss how to do this in your own life. Without changing who you are, how do you physically attract a girl? It depends on the type of girl you’re trying to attract! In general:

How to attract a girl:

1. Shower

2. Put on deodorant

3. Brush your teeth

4. Use chapstick regularly

5. Put on cologne or masculine-smelling lotion (Be cautious with this, you don’t want to overdo it. It won’t impress a girl if you’re dripping with axe body spray. Keep it subtle, she’ll notice.)

6. Keep your hair, both on your head and face, trimmed and neat. Make it look like you put some effort into making it look nice.

7. Pick an outfit that matches and looks nice (long pants usually look better than shorts, and button-ups are typically nicer than a t-shirt. And when choosing jeans a dark wash looks better than a light wash. And your belt and shoes should match.)

8. Pick an outfit that fits you well. Your pants should be creasing around your ankle, but not pooling and should fit around the hips and waist.

9. Work out – lifting weights AND endurance activities

What other qualities would make you more attractive to women?

Confidence, Courage, and Dating

Hey all! Let me introduce myself. My name's Kim and ever since I learned that boys never actually had cooties I have been obsessed with the communication in relationships.  My friends in high school and roommates in college used to ask me how I attracted so much attention and how they could learn to flirt like me. I had a love interest in college tell me that I was really good at letting guys know it was okay to ask me out, that they shouldn't fear rejection.

If you've only ever tried vanilla ice cream, how will you know if you like strawberry or butter pecan better? Maybe after you've tried out all those flavors you'll decide you still like vanilla the best, but at least you'll know the difference. When I began dating, my dad exemplified this by advising me to go out with and get to know 100 different men before choosing one to marry. As a reference, my two older sisters didn't quite make it to 100, and by the time I got married at 23 I'd been out with over 200 men before I lost count. If this blog can help anyone through their struggles in relationships and dating then I will consider this endeavor worth it.

To jump start this life change, the first and I think most important quality that influences relationships is:

1. Confidence/Courage

For both men and women, exhibiting confidence in an interaction with the opposite sex is the greatest indicator of success. So, what if you don't have any confidence? Fake it 'til you make it. I understand, once you've been rejected one too many times it's hard to muster up any confidence to display the next time. You've been turned down the last few times you asked someone out. Does that mean you're unlikable? No! Does that mean you're never going to find love? Of course not! The right person just hasn't shown up yet, the one who is perfect for you. When someone rejected me I used to tell myself, "well, if he doesn't like me, so what? There is someone out there who does." And you have to believe in that because it's true. We as human beings aren't meant to be alone, and if you want to find love and are working towards it, someday you will. Your worth does not depend on who is asking you out, how many girls are saying yes, or how many second dates you go on. Your worth is your own and no one else can diminish it. If rejection gets you down come up with a mantra for yourself, something to remind yourself that you're worthy of love and that you are loved, even if you don't recognize it right then. 

There's nothing more attractive than a man or woman who displays confidence. Every living person has been given a specific set of talents and abilities, and if you don't believe that you have any....then you are dead wrong! Life is too short not to have confidence in ourselves and what we are capable of. We can do anything we put our minds to, and, YES, that includes getting the right guy or gal for you. As the great Wayne Gretzky once said, "You miss 100% of the shots that you don't take." The same can be said for the game of dating. If you want to date that hot waitress at your favorite restaurant or get to know that cute guy sitting to your left at the coffee house, then you have TO TAKE CHANCES. Life presents each of us with many opportunities, and it is up to us to take advantage of those opportunities. We can't wait for the love of our lives to fall into our laps. It just doesn't work like that. You have to work to get to know that person that interests you, and work to nourish the relationship. If it doesn't work out, so what? Try again. And keep on trying until you're successful. You can fail 1,000 times, but remember, you only have to win once. Just ask Thomas Edison ;)